Deep Waters 5 – Being In Idle Will Build An Idol – Dethroning God

There are things in this life that are so irriseistable for me. Many times I’ll catch myself playing guitar for two hours straight, Oops. Other times it’s hard to refrain from wanting to lick the mixing spoon after making better or deserts… hey, don’t judge me. It’s gonna get washed anyways, I might as well. Sometimes, when I’m very focused on something I’m building, working on, studying or dare I say, playing a video game, it can be challenging. It is hard for me to notice that I’m not refraining from diving into that so deeply that it could eventually become an idol. Don’t even get me started on mobile devices and Social media. 

“I never knew that every choice I made would be a determining factor in someoneelses view of God.”

I may have known about God a little before I was saved by God but I never knew I was set apart and to be a light in this world. I never knew that every choice I made was going to be a determining on someone’s view of God. I’m an ambassador baby! I carry the word of God with, and I’m still trying to figure it out… But my walk with God became more real and more Vivid to me because I don’t want to mess with someone’s eternity. 

I’ve learned that naturally people can see anointing even while not saved. What it is and what they choose to believe it is, is another thing. God inside me is shown when I’m not idle in my relationship with Him.

I realised the fear off God being apart from me was the most scariest thing threat coulda ever happen… Sort of drastic, but it’s intentional thinking and assertiveness about my heart and mind.

What is so important that I should easily give my mind to it that compromises the throne of my heart? What dethrones God from where He inhabits inside me? What is king of my life?

Matthew 6:22 “Eye is the lamp of the body, if your eyes are healthy your whole body will be full of light.” Now why would I ever actually want to do something against God. I never would deliberately but like I said in the last chapter, the enemy isn’t going to show up in red and black with horns on his head and a pitchfork. That would be scary and poor planning on his part. But Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy. Whether he shows up as lust, alcohol, drugs, addictions and even double lives. It’s going to be sublte and something that you like: Colors, songs, movies, flavors, rushes, glamour, charm, scents, hype, etc. North trying to give him more room than He already has. But that’s what the Holy Spirit is for. 

“Ingredients for enticing from the enemy usually involves something that will personally get your attention”

We’ve all been enticed by someone just so we can earn the respect or we could be a part of their status, although we’re losing dignity and integrity… It doesn’t matter at that point in time, as long as we’re in their world and not in our own.

We trust a little bit and jeopardize everything all in ONE moment.

Let’s take one topic that is very flipped in the body these days. And I’m just going off of why I refrain. And it’s a spirit of intoxication. One thing the enemy can ruin your life with if you allow it is intoxication. 

There are so many variables of intoxication but I want to speak on the one that is mind altering and leads to loss of self control andbits a very misleading substance that is growing in society. That’s the spirit of alcohol.

Oooooh, very very touchy subject, but if I don’t speak up, I’ll be robbing someone of thier blessing. 

Ephesians 5:18 Don’t get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit of God. Two things are compared here, alcohol and the Holy Spirit. Both of them have the power to take control over a person’s mind and both have two extremely different results and endings. We can’t be controlled by both alcoholic spirits and the Holy Spirit at the when we choose to ingest mind-altering substances, we’re definitely, and effectively choosing to give ourselves over to the control of something other than the Holy Spirit. This is one version of intoxication, though we know a lot about, but we loosely lose sight of the Holy Spirit and we grab all we can taste and feel and see. Because it’s easy, and the consequences aren’t so bad at the time. 
Anything that takes control of our mind, or will, and our emotions is a false god. Any Master obeyed other than God is an idol, and idolatry is sin. 1st Corinthians 10:14

So many intoxication that we can concisously choose to avoid. Don’t ‘sin now and ask for forgiveness later’ This is more of an awareness and I tell whoever reads this because we skip over this subject and then shame our self afterwards and live in our consequences. 

Don’t allow a distraction to make God runner up to your first priorities… Just saying.

Deep Waters 4 – Out of Bounds

SECOND LONGEST BLOG EVER: Boundaries are so important. Someone affirming me in what I do is dangerous. A bound I don’t wanna go out of. Its crazy how we can have relationship boundaries and struggle with them until we can manage to work within them. But sometimes we forget to think that there should be boundaries everywhere from relationships, to church, to shopping, to even the workplace. If you can’t love yourself, your gonna give and do whatever it takes to amount to something, instead of finding your worth in God. We press on towards the mark, the Higher calling of God. That mission cant be replaced by anything else because your morals automatically will be at stake if you don’t love yourself. 

It’s easier to reach a goal with no obstacles before it. We only strive and make boundaries for what we care about… but do you know how many times I’ve heard “nothing is getting in my way from reaching the top, come HE’LL OR HIGHWATER” or “if you want it, you got go and get it” Which is nice to have such a drive, that’s literally proclaiming “NO BOUNDARIES” otherwise I’ll bulldoze through them.

“The enemy isn’t gonna show up as something we don’t want, that is poor planning, ridiculous!”

This is why people obsess over work because it’s a place of freedom and no one can tell you what to do but your boss. When someone affirms you that shouldnt be, it releases a dopamine and keeps you wanting more like a drug. You can’t get enough of it, and will strive and try harder until you get that satisfaction from its even the boss. I’ve strives before and no matter what, it just wasn’t good enough. Labored until I had no strength after work. Gave every bit of myself to ministry until I had no emotion or heart behind it. Gave my heart away in everything I did for someone one too many times, when they had an agenda all along that has nothing about me in thier itinerary of life. Bringing myself to a spot that only God can fill and affirm in me that it’s gonna be alright. That’s where I belong. Affirmation makes me second best to my own heart desires like the picture below.

These are the things unsaid in culture today. Socially unexceptable. Why? Because social media gives us unwritten rules on what is acceptable and permissable in culture today. Family time is no longer family time because that phantom effect of “where’s my phone” and “why isn’t my nose in it right this second” – that’s what drug addicts say as well, they can’t get enough of it. “Where’s my dope” and “why isn’t my nose in it?” It’s a DOPE-amine for affirmation. It feels like home sometimes when you can have a healthy, quality conversation with someone and neither of you have your phone on you: no pics, no checking things, not even GPS, no schedulen or alarm…just you and that person organically having the time of your lives because your one for a little bit. Thats sacred and real. – Super sidetrack, sorry.

I’ve struggled  with a few versions of psychological dopamines in my life and if there are NO BOUNDARIES your gonna do anything for it. This can ruin marriages. It worked its way to mine, and thats my fault because as soon as my guard was down, I reached for my past and other things and my wife and I slowly separated. 

“What generations before me lacked in the psychological area, I will take a stand with God in The Battle of the Mind!” 

It’s so subtle – SATAN doesn’t come dressed in black and red and wear thorns.. He comes in a seductive, enticing way that is something our sinful nature wants. We end up believing that we can justify our behaviors and continue with that sin as long as we research enough. If we are seeking, ohhhh we will definetly find. Its what were seeking that is the question. There is some answer that will be tailor made in the books, advice or on Google that we will use to justify even if it goes against Christain beliefs. Again even those answers can be worded so softly and gingerly so we feel comfort in it, affirming the wrong mentality and Non-Christain seeds that were naturally ready for because we’re all born in sin. The enemy isn’t gonna show up as something we don’t want, that is poor planning, ridiculous! 

God’s  AFFIRMATION should be primary and NOT HAVING BOUNDARIES should never happen. It’s a derailment that our enemy is always gonna win at! What generations before me lacked in the psychological area, I will take a stand with God in The Battle of the Mind! If I love myself and lead myself only God can affirm me and my decisions. He is The Way, The Only Way to my final decisions, no man not woman should have any power over another but empower eachother with the Word Of God.. 

-Janan James Hanna II

Deep Waters Part 3 – Walking Contradiction

“Life changing is an understatement to who it applies, but an overstatement to who doesn’t when involving God” – Janan

To hear someone say that “being a Christian isn’t a walk in the park, trust me bro” I would instantly get defensive and full of pride by saying “You have no idea” instead of appreciating them and thier wisdom.

There was something blocking me to understand!

What about the Joy and Euphoria of being saved, having fellowship and the uplifting music!? Isn’t that being a Christian? I literally had no idea how it can be so good and feel so right, yet when I would fall or do something morally wrong and nothing would work out, people in the Church would have the nerve to say something about God in my situation!

I was saying ” yes” and agreeing and putting all my confidence in the person who would tell me, because that’s how I rolled, but inside my heart I was confused and had no idea what I would do without this person guiding me.

That’s how my codependancy on people started. They saw my need and helped me and guided me out of my struggle, so I figured “hey, this is the person I can count on to me my mentor about God”

Discipleship is so very important to the body of Christ but when the disciple doesn’t ever detach or even scarier, the mentor doesn’t wanna detach, it developes a need and a security in that person. That’s where my walk with God was headed into a lifestyle of Crutches and never fully leaning on God.

The thing about Crutches are that they are only supposed to be temporary until you heal. What happens when that person isn’t around and you can only walk when their in the picture? What happens when your feet are forced to walk and your just sitting around waiting for the Crutch to be available.

Detaching is necessary for the growth of a Christain. They need to walk and think for themselves.

When I tell someone “it’s not gonna be a walk I the park” I need to make sure that it’s not out of placing fear into people and tell them out of Love for their hearts but to detach enough for them to be able and not ‘DIS’able to lean on their own two feet. I wouldn’t want someone to be leaning on me hand and foot for The Word. Even parents wouldn’t still spoonfeed their kids at a certain age.

What detaching does in the process enables the development stage in someone’s walk. No longer do they rely on a person, group or event to grow but by leaning on themselves it helps them to know that they are gonna need a help that isn’t able to be seen. That’s where the scripture that contradicts my old lifestyle of codependency come in to play.

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” Hebrews 11:1

Now in this context of “Christianity is going to be hard” I can believe. That means giving up things that the Holy Spirit will start to guide me in giving up. Or Stopping me before I start something that can contradict the word and the principals of God.

Whether it means giving up certain things that don’t practically pertain to God or to lay down my urges in certain occasions

I’ve been told many times that I have a warrior spirit about me and that I am called to be a minister of the Gospel not only through just words but through music. I would definetly definitely need to purge the comfort of the old rusting sin nature.

My hands are made to Glorify God. My voice and words are as well.

It says in James 3:9-10 Sometimes our tongues Bless our Lord and Father, with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. We also curse and bless our sisters and brothers, these things also should not be.

Laying all down and sacrificing the things that were out to steal, kill and destroy me anyways… I can definetly live with that, it may kill me of myself but that’s where selfishness becomes selflessness for God and The Kingdom of God.

…where do I sign up?

Deep Waters – Part 2 Uninhabited Love

 “…What was my image turning into?”

I often wonder what I mean when I say I love someone? What are my intentions? Who is this person to me? When I say love; what level does this derive from or at what degree will I show this person love.

But it all comes down to my version of love, where I’ve used that exact word and what’s my drive behind it. 

In the last part of this blog I spoke about a desolate place that resembles a desert or an abyss of the bottom of a waterless ocean. A place like that I can recognize myself going into because I’m all so familiar with it. The atmosphere the density, the comfort of romance to that place and satisfaction of being stagnant. Oh I know it so well…

“I call them my own because at that age.. that’s all I ever owned.”

How might I get out of that place when I was young? I had no idea. I was oblivious to the snares of my own mind, desires and devices. I call them my own because at that age.. that’s all I ever owned.

Through the depths of my heart that was ready to take on the world, I started to develop texture and accolades in my life that may have been on the outside, AMAZING. To me I was just enjoying myself and trusting everyone’s opinions and everything that came my way. Unknowing the definition of true Love my circumstances held no weight until they would become toxic and lethal. 

“…wrong love is no love.”

If we can fast forward to the present, I can tell you that the void that never were filled then and insecurities that were my ever snaring decrepit foundation are no longer what I stand on. What was disintegrated into ashes now are integrated into beauty. My thoughts were the worst about myself, because wrong love is no love. Going from a negativity that was all mine that I held on as if it was a family heirloom that had sentimental value, to a person who sees value in the every single moment I breathe, talk, acquaint, and truly love.

This is a transformation that only is changed from a transformation and not the transformation that we can practically or physically go after and change. But a transformation that is internal and eternal.

And that’s where God comes in… 

Deep Waters – Part 1 What’s a Void

“God doesn’t need filters”

I have been told so many times that when I speak, I am a deep waters kind of a Man. I questioned a tiny bit where they saw that in me but always sort of knew what they meant. As I journeyed through this life I’ve began acknowledging this deep waters and holding on to it like my anchor.

That may sound like a blanket statement but I’m going to explain what I believe ‘Deep Waters’ are to me.

My upbringing had no place for going deep. It was so full of things to do, people to see and places to go. So many of us (5 older siblings) living to finish school, helping to run a business or two or three, no mother present and all of us taking care of each other all while trying to have a childhood and all my siblings going through thier teenage faze… What is the youngest to do???

Where does the deep waters come in you say? Well, you can’t have deep waters unless there’s an actual place to carry the vast capacity of all the water. I say it’s my upbringing that was what set the stage.

There was no privacy…

I never in a million years could fathom an option to have my own space. Like, actual sacred time, something of my own, intimate finding myself and who I really was. I condemned myself if I ever had a though of just breaking out of the everyday full house clutter. I felt like a wholesale item  at Costco. Like, find me in the bargain bin.

It really messed with me. Don’t get me wrong or take what I’m saying as hating my family. I love them to the core, and they’ve taken part of my deeper waters in my adolescence.

I imagine the bottom of the ocean and me just standing there and a camera zooming out all the way out of the atmosphere but no once seeing any water but only I  the clouds. There I am, grounds of the unknown, starving and thrusting for a little bit of something ANYTHING! No water though… Only a mass void.

We’ve all been there uncertain, totally confused yet comfortable in our own skin, but everything else around our skin is a little too close. Too close for me to have a second to think or discover anything of worth or true value within me. That boy standing in the waterless ocean always being shaken and never finding an anchor to hold.. Just needing some waters of his own and tired of what he would breathe everyday. 

It’s a scary spot as a kid because individualism was almost taboo and not by the sense of punishment for trying to be myself, but it’s the environment and atmosphere that trumped any change or any development inside a bit. My identity was in my individuality but I didn’t have one… 

With a broad spectrum of all that’s permissible in the childhood as long as my dad didn’t see, I covered alot a whole lot of ground. But even in those wide boundaries,co would find myself so vulnerable, crying when no one was around, desiring so much more, feeling guilty because it wasn’t right to be me… whatever the heck that looked like.

…working on what outside of me looked like because that’s what gets attention to the crowd I wanted and didn’t want…

This created insecurities and mass voids at a young age. I thirst and I found things to fill my voids. Oh they were right there, right in front of me and easy to take and run with. From the smaller things that would fill in the tiniest cracks in my void; singing or doing impersonations for attention and acknowledgement, hopping on bandwagons because I had no other options and not doing what I ever wanted. To filling up the bigger voids; longing for affection in more ways than an individual can give, trusting anyone and everyone with my doors wide open to accept all who acknowledged me, learning five million different things so I can show my dad and family that I’m different and have value, and working on what outside of me looked like because that’s what gets attention to the crown I wanted and didn’t want. 

Thinking I know what what I’m doing and it’s worse than childish, its living in a desolate dessert and accepting that dessert as life. Eventually giving up and not ever living with the notion or capacity to do anything with this life. 

..Eventually something has to happen..

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Philippians 4:13
“I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH”