“…What was my image turning into?”
I often wonder what I mean when I say I love someone? What are my intentions? Who is this person to me? When I say love; what level does this derive from or at what degree will I show this person love.
But it all comes down to my version of love, where I’ve used that exact word and what’s my drive behind it.
In the last part of this blog I spoke about a desolate place that resembles a desert or an abyss of the bottom of a waterless ocean. A place like that I can recognize myself going into because I’m all so familiar with it. The atmosphere the density, the comfort of romance to that place and satisfaction of being stagnant. Oh I know it so well…
“I call them my own because at that age.. that’s all I ever owned.”
How might I get out of that place when I was young? I had no idea. I was oblivious to the snares of my own mind, desires and devices. I call them my own because at that age.. that’s all I ever owned.
Through the depths of my heart that was ready to take on the world, I started to develop texture and accolades in my life that may have been on the outside, AMAZING. To me I was just enjoying myself and trusting everyone’s opinions and everything that came my way. Unknowing the definition of true Love my circumstances held no weight until they would become toxic and lethal.
“…wrong love is no love.”
If we can fast forward to the present, I can tell you that the void that never were filled then and insecurities that were my ever snaring decrepit foundation are no longer what I stand on. What was disintegrated into ashes now are integrated into beauty. My thoughts were the worst about myself, because wrong love is no love. Going from a negativity that was all mine that I held on as if it was a family heirloom that had sentimental value, to a person who sees value in the every single moment I breathe, talk, acquaint, and truly love.
This is a transformation that only is changed from a transformation and not the transformation that we can practically or physically go after and change. But a transformation that is internal and eternal.
And that’s where God comes in…
officialjanan 